A follow-up. (to 25 things)

Reflection on my last post, after more than four years.

I like the notion of committing my thoughts and ideas to paper (or screen), but don't like the idea of committing to thoughts or ideas. Other people may read them, misconstrue, misunderstand, or conclude, and then I may have to dislike them.

 - Inaccurate: I like the idea of committing to thoughts or ideas; they lead to new thoughts, ideas and possibilities.

I don't like disliking people - it's too much work.

- Still true.

If you smell bad, I probably don't like you. Go wash yourself, you're making me tired.

- That's just stupid; that ones' odor is sufficient grounds to dismiss a person out of hand is obtuse.

Any sustained emotion exhausts me.

- Inaccurate: sustained negative emotions exhaust me; positive emotions just sort of peter out after a while - something of a human condition really.

If you need someone to make you feel better about yourself, I'm probably not your man.

- May be true, although I really hope not; everyone needs a little boost now and then - I know I do, so...

I like the concept of pets. I like having animals around - it creates a nice atmosphere. The trouble is, they always want something from you, and that's annoying. They're pretty convinced you're the greatest creature ever to draw breath; it sounds cool, but it's not.

- I like animals. It might be that I don't like the notion of 'pets'.
I have come to learn that I very much like cats - they are singular, relatively self contained, and very beautiful. Also, they're kind of like people, except they don't pretend they're not.

I like the concept of people better than I like people, for some of the same reasons (as previous). If you are interesting, reasonably sharp, and really don't need anything from me, we're probably already friends.

- Life isn't a book, and those around me aren't characters there solely for my entertainment; people have needs - that fact practically defines the concept of 'relationship'. What the hell's up with this guy anyway?

I don't fit in. Most of what other people like or do just confuses me.

- Much of what we do with our free time serves to connect us socially with those around us. Community is important. Being a 'hockey fan', winter sports, watching particular TV shows, etc; these things, as well as being intrinsically entertaining, serve as ligaments that connect us to others in our community. That being said, that's not the only route to 'fitting in' - I bet not being a dismissive asshat would go a long way.

I don't want to fit in. Most of what other people like or do bores me.

- Seriously...what an asshole.

I'm easily bored. My tolerance for the state of boredom is virtually non-existant. If I can't escape the boredom, then I get stressed out, my heart-rate rises, and I begin to get agitated.

- That is most certainly true.

I hate talking on the phone - it's a single sensory input. I really hate phonecalls with no point. While I understand the need to 'connect', I just feel bad that I'm fading in and out and not really listening.

- "phonecalls with no point"...what, talking to your folks has no point? This guy needs a boot in the junk.

I like clearly defined structure - it provides freedom and relevance to whatever we pursue.

- Still a thing, but it's more of a universal truth than it is a revelation about me.

I don't like being told what to do.

- Still true, but really, is this a thing any adult can claim as a unique definer of 'self'? Mostly (and by mostly I mean unequivocally) this was me trying to be so very clever; 'defined structure' - 'don't tell me what to do' - 'I don't want to lead'. See what I did there? Yah.

I don't like to lead, but will in the absence of strong leadership. Although it's more likely I'll just leave. I don't need the hassle.

- I'll lead except probably I'll just leave 'cause I'm such a badass. It appears most of this list was an effort to convince you I'm awesome.

I don't like hassle - if it's complicated or inefficient, it's poorly planned, and I'm unlikely to do it - which means a lot of things around me don't get done.

- Still true. Also, it's somebody else's job to plan my life - I'm just along for the ride.

I often leave tasks or projects unfinished for long periods of time.

- Last blog post: June 10, 2009.

I often leave tasks or projects unfinished.

- And by 'often' I mean 'usually' - usually I leave projects unfinished. This is a thing that is changing, dammit. I'll let you know how it goes, but I won't commit to any sort of particular deadline because, I mean really....you know...

25 things about me. (delivered upon request)

I like the notion of committing my thoughts and ideas to paper (or screen), but don't like the idea of committing to thoughts or ideas. Other people may read them, misconstrue, misunderstand, or conclude, and then I may have to dislike them.

I don't like disliking people - it's too much work.

If you smell bad, I probably don't like you. Go wash yourself, you're making me tired.

Any sustained emotion exhausts me.

If you need someone to make you feel better about yourself, I'm probably not your man.

I like the concept of pets. I like having animals around - it creates a nice atmosphere. The trouble is, they always want something from you, and that's annoying. They're pretty convinced you're the greatest creature ever to draw breath; it sounds cool, but it's not.

I like the concept of people better than I like people, for some of the same reasons (as previous). If you are interesting, reasonably sharp, and really don't need anything from me, we're probably already friends.

I don't fit in. Most of what other people like or do just confuses me.

I don't want to fit in. Most of what other people like or do bores me.

I'm easily bored. My tolerance for the state of boredom is virtually non-existant. If I can't escape the boredom, then I get stressed out, my heart-rate rises, and I begin to get agitated.

I hate talking on the phone - it's a single sensory input. I really hate phonecalls with no point. While I understand the need to 'connect', I just feel bad that I'm fading in and out and not really listening.

I like clearly defined structure - it provides freedom and relevance to whatever we pursue.

I don't like being told what to do.

I don't like to lead, but will in the absence of strong leadership. Although it's more likely I'll just leave. I don't need the hassle.

I don't like hassle - if it's complicated or inefficient, it's poorly planned, and I'm unlikely to do it - which means a lot of things around me don't get done.

I often leave tasks or projects unfinished for long periods of time.

I often leave tasks or projects unfinished.

Tough to swallow.

Part First:

My son, Sol, eats without regard for such pedestrian notions as time or space. Left to his own devices (ie. his hands - utensils be damned) he will attempt to fit every morsel of food on his plate into his, granted, cavernous mouth. Carrot stick - in it goes - no need for biting it into more manageable pieces; there's plenty of room. Heck, we're just getting started - there are some nice bits of beef we gotta get to. Time's a wastin'. So, while the carrot is still rolling around in there, making nice geometric shapes appear and disappear on his cheeks, in goes the beef. There may be a bit of a delay at this point while he reaches in and breaks the carrot in half to more effectively facilitate the introduction of more meat. Maybe a nice piece of broccoli (thoughtfully, slightly cooked to soften it, making it easier to....dissolve?) goes in next. Last of all, to fill in the gaps, some rice or mashed potato. Of course, by this stage, chewing is far out of the question, so he proceeds to sort of work his jaw back and forth, periodically reaching up to poke a rogue piece of carrot or beef back into his mouth that is attempting to make a leap down into the waiting jaws of an increasingly chubby dog.

All of this would bother me a lot less if I thought he was really enjoying his food, but I really don't think he is. Carrots, meat, broccoli, amazing baked salmon; it makes no difference - jam it in. By the rice/potato stage, his face usually carries a look of genuine concern. I mean, chewing isn't even a viable option, let alone swallowing, and there's all that food left to eat....

Part Second:

I was very busy last week, between work (an 8:00am to 5:30pm deal - new for me) and some commitments that I had in the evenings, I was not home very much during the hours that my children are usually awake. I was, however, home to help put the kids down to bed on one particular, revealing evening:

I was putting the younger two, Ineke (2yrs) and the aforementioned Sol (1Yr) to bed. The standard routine is story, prayers, and a song (or two, or three or...). So I ask Ineke if she would like to hear a song. I don't know why I ask, because the answer is always the same, as is the song she requests (Apple Red Happiness, or 'Appleness' as she has named it). But tonight, she said....

"No."

"No song?" I asked.

"No" she replied, turning in her bed to face the wall.

"Why no song?" I asked, fully expecting her to realize the grievous error she had made.

" 'Cause you go out the house - leave us all alone.” she answered. “No song. You go out my room now."


Swallow that carrot stick.

Das Blög.

Where I post what I think about what that I think about.